The Day Of

Ok, so. We get to the church about an hour early. I'm polite, I'm chatty, I'm warm and affectionate. Groom hugs me and says thank you so much for coming, etc. Score one for his side. The little boy was ADORABLE. He looked so cute in his tuxedo, he smiled perfectly the whole time and he was just wonderful. The ceremony was nice, very religious, pretty music, candle lighting, etc.

Bitchy Comment #1: For the last 6 months, all we've heard is how beautiful her wedding dress will be. She gushed how it was a designer original, one of a kind, so expensive but she got it so cheap because it was a walkway model, etc. She wouldn't tell anyone what it looked like, just that it would blow everyone away, etc etc. Um. It looked like a cotton eyelet tablecloth. Seriously. So didn't live up to the hype. MIL made Junior's ring bearer pillow out of her wedding gown scraps (after tailoring) when she showed it to the Groom, he actually told MIL he could tell she made it out of her kitchen curtains which were the same pattern. FUNNY!!

End of ceremony, junior waited so patiently for the pastor to give him the signal to walk up and he stuck his arm out so perfectly for the flower girl to link her arm in his his, it was SO cute!! So we did the receiving line, I kissed, I said congrats, so wonderful, you are beautiful. You know the usual. She was funny, her first thing out of her mouth to me was, omg, your dress is beautiful.

Sidenote comment #1: I looked good. I lost about 10lbs since I tried the dress on last month and it fit better. Plus I ripped out the shoulder pads. I looked really good, quite a few strangers told me what a beautiful dress it was! Yay!!!!

Ok, so we did pictures in the church. Very nice, but the photog was just not my cup of tea. Took a long time. It started to rain. She started to go to pieces. We were getting very close to the reception time of 5:30. So we all drove over to the place - very nice garden area with a whole series of buildings - hotels, restaurants, etc. It's a culinary institute. Very pretty place. We started doing family pics.

Bitchy Comment #2: Groom's family was about 12 people total. Nobody told his aunt/uncle, cousins and their families to come out for pictures. So time was wasted searching for them. Then the bride started barking out orders to everyone to hurry up, but didn't bother to let anyone know who she wanted in the pictures. I was holding my tongue SO well. Even hubby complimented me on my decorum. Best part of the family picture time: she kicked out the baby daddy of one of the groom's cousins! L & W have been together for like 3 years, they live together and are expecting a baby in September. Niiiice! Even the groom told her to knock it off. I missed this whole exchange though!!!!! I don't know where I was - everyone told me about it later.

Let's talk cocktail hour, or the lack thereof! I saw 2 waiters come over with small trays of food and they stood there watching us. Well, you all know how shy I am right? I walked right over and started eating the shrimp. I would have eaten the whole platter if I knew then there was no cocktail hour. By the time we went in to the reception center (before the pics were even done!) there was no food out. Junior was crying and starving. I went to the kitchen and asked politely for a plate of cheese/crackers and a plate of fruit. They were very nice, and we went to sit down so he could eat. But the bride's dad (who btw, looked and sounded like the late Michael Jeter) came over to bring junior out to the lobby, to walk in with the bridal party.

Well, he had a minor meltdown b/c he was hungry! I had brought him a bagel to eat right before the ceremony at 2pm. But now it was 5:30 and he wanted to sit down and eat his fruit and cheese, so he was crying and very upset. Bride had a puss on her face. I could have cared less. I was polite, and told her mom and dad that we were just going to sit down. Her mom said, oh, Amy is okay with you bringing him back to the table. I bit my tongue. Thanks so much for permitting ME to take my crying, hungry 5 year old back to eat something. He was fine and dandy after he ate some food.

Ok. Well. What next. Oh, wait, how could I forget. Cash bar! Yep. Cash bar. Each table assignment card had a paper clip on it with a small piece of paper that said something like "good for one drink from the bar". Ok. Supposedly this is the norm in VT. I think its tacky as all shit. So I went to get a soda. Oh, wait! They were charging for SODA. WTF????? And then - just to top it all off - she had a tip jar out! I was dying. Um, pay for your drinks and then give her a tip too? Martha Stewart would have dropped dead in her tracks. (oh, I suppose this could qualify as Bitchy comment #3)

Unbeknownst to me, the plan for the bridal party was that immediately after dinner they would leave the reception and go outside to take pictures. The food came out rather quickly. A salad. Bread. Then the main dish wish was a small piece of undercooked meat and a small piece of overcooked chicken. Along with 3 small halves of red potatoes, 3 green beans and 4 tiny carrots. It sucked. Big time. So, now its about 6:30 and the wedding party leaves. Half of the guests were also leaving to walk around the grounds b/c nothing was going on at the wedding! Seriously, the DJ sucked. Nobody was dancing. The bride/groom were gone. Booooooooooooooooooooring.

I sat outside with some cousins and we "discussed" the wedding and issues. Very entertaining. Oh, be back soon, but this should tide you all over for now.