The Day Of

Ok, so. We get to the church about an hour early. I'm polite, I'm chatty, I'm warm and affectionate. Groom hugs me and says thank you so much for coming, etc. Score one for his side. The little boy was ADORABLE. He looked so cute in his tuxedo, he smiled perfectly the whole time and he was just wonderful. The ceremony was nice, very religious, pretty music, candle lighting, etc.

Bitchy Comment #1: For the last 6 months, all we've heard is how beautiful her wedding dress will be. She gushed how it was a designer original, one of a kind, so expensive but she got it so cheap because it was a walkway model, etc. She wouldn't tell anyone what it looked like, just that it would blow everyone away, etc etc. Um. It looked like a cotton eyelet tablecloth. Seriously. So didn't live up to the hype. MIL made Junior's ring bearer pillow out of her wedding gown scraps (after tailoring) when she showed it to the Groom, he actually told MIL he could tell she made it out of her kitchen curtains which were the same pattern. FUNNY!!

End of ceremony, junior waited so patiently for the pastor to give him the signal to walk up and he stuck his arm out so perfectly for the flower girl to link her arm in his his, it was SO cute!! So we did the receiving line, I kissed, I said congrats, so wonderful, you are beautiful. You know the usual. She was funny, her first thing out of her mouth to me was, omg, your dress is beautiful.

Sidenote comment #1: I looked good. I lost about 10lbs since I tried the dress on last month and it fit better. Plus I ripped out the shoulder pads. I looked really good, quite a few strangers told me what a beautiful dress it was! Yay!!!!

Ok, so we did pictures in the church. Very nice, but the photog was just not my cup of tea. Took a long time. It started to rain. She started to go to pieces. We were getting very close to the reception time of 5:30. So we all drove over to the place - very nice garden area with a whole series of buildings - hotels, restaurants, etc. It's a culinary institute. Very pretty place. We started doing family pics.

Bitchy Comment #2: Groom's family was about 12 people total. Nobody told his aunt/uncle, cousins and their families to come out for pictures. So time was wasted searching for them. Then the bride started barking out orders to everyone to hurry up, but didn't bother to let anyone know who she wanted in the pictures. I was holding my tongue SO well. Even hubby complimented me on my decorum. Best part of the family picture time: she kicked out the baby daddy of one of the groom's cousins! L & W have been together for like 3 years, they live together and are expecting a baby in September. Niiiice! Even the groom told her to knock it off. I missed this whole exchange though!!!!! I don't know where I was - everyone told me about it later.

Let's talk cocktail hour, or the lack thereof! I saw 2 waiters come over with small trays of food and they stood there watching us. Well, you all know how shy I am right? I walked right over and started eating the shrimp. I would have eaten the whole platter if I knew then there was no cocktail hour. By the time we went in to the reception center (before the pics were even done!) there was no food out. Junior was crying and starving. I went to the kitchen and asked politely for a plate of cheese/crackers and a plate of fruit. They were very nice, and we went to sit down so he could eat. But the bride's dad (who btw, looked and sounded like the late Michael Jeter) came over to bring junior out to the lobby, to walk in with the bridal party.

Well, he had a minor meltdown b/c he was hungry! I had brought him a bagel to eat right before the ceremony at 2pm. But now it was 5:30 and he wanted to sit down and eat his fruit and cheese, so he was crying and very upset. Bride had a puss on her face. I could have cared less. I was polite, and told her mom and dad that we were just going to sit down. Her mom said, oh, Amy is okay with you bringing him back to the table. I bit my tongue. Thanks so much for permitting ME to take my crying, hungry 5 year old back to eat something. He was fine and dandy after he ate some food.

Ok. Well. What next. Oh, wait, how could I forget. Cash bar! Yep. Cash bar. Each table assignment card had a paper clip on it with a small piece of paper that said something like "good for one drink from the bar". Ok. Supposedly this is the norm in VT. I think its tacky as all shit. So I went to get a soda. Oh, wait! They were charging for SODA. WTF????? And then - just to top it all off - she had a tip jar out! I was dying. Um, pay for your drinks and then give her a tip too? Martha Stewart would have dropped dead in her tracks. (oh, I suppose this could qualify as Bitchy comment #3)

Unbeknownst to me, the plan for the bridal party was that immediately after dinner they would leave the reception and go outside to take pictures. The food came out rather quickly. A salad. Bread. Then the main dish wish was a small piece of undercooked meat and a small piece of overcooked chicken. Along with 3 small halves of red potatoes, 3 green beans and 4 tiny carrots. It sucked. Big time. So, now its about 6:30 and the wedding party leaves. Half of the guests were also leaving to walk around the grounds b/c nothing was going on at the wedding! Seriously, the DJ sucked. Nobody was dancing. The bride/groom were gone. Booooooooooooooooooooring.

I sat outside with some cousins and we "discussed" the wedding and issues. Very entertaining. Oh, be back soon, but this should tide you all over for now.

SA in VT, Day 3 - MAJOR ISSUE!

CASH BAR FOR THE RECEPTION! EXCEPT FOR THE WEDDING PARTY. HOLY SHIT PEOPLE CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THIS??????????

I've been teaching Junior to say "Margarita please" so he can get me drinks.

Here's my journaling for my future scrapbook page about this wedding fiasco:

Hotel: $435
Gas $500
Food & Drinks: $300
Being ignored and insulted at your brother in law's wedding: Priceless!!

I like it.

So I've been told that cash bar is norm for VT. I've been told that VT'ers are cold and unfriendly. Fine. What about social graces? Nobody raises their kids with mores and manners anymore?

Maybe I am overreacting to some minor offenses, but you know what? I'm noticing EVERY last little thing due to the initial insult Th night. And then the RD just compounded everything.

Hubby just walked out the room to go for a walk, because he's getting antsy about everything. I yelled out after him "well, at least you can drink at the wedding!". I think this is hysterical. Not even the wedding party spouses can drink. Just the bridal party. Oh, and my 5 year old.

I think I'm going to catch a ride after the church to the reception with someone because I really don't want to be in any wedding pics at this point. Oh, wait. I probably won't be anyway. Remember, in the agenda, the bride stated she wanted ONE picture of me, hubby and junior together. That probably means no pics for me!!!!

Sucky Adventures in VT, Day 2

AKA: The Rehearsal Dinner

Wow. I'm working from notes I made at the church during the rehearsal. I'm exhausted so forgive the rambling. We met everyone at the italian restaurant. Bride and groom didn't say one freaking word to me or my husband! Nice! Nobody bothered to introduce us to any of the other people there, ie. bride's relatives and the rest of the bridal party. One of the bridesmaids asked if hubby was one of the groom's brothers! Have to give hubby props, he answered well: "As far as I know, I'm the only brother."

Just as an added treat, our dinners came out dead last!!!! I could not make this up people. Oh, and I had to pay for my own wine - plus no freaking dessert. Props to hubby again for something - he was talking to his mom and she mentioned one of the bride's relatives, then asked if we had met them. Hubby said, nope, nobody bothered to introduce us to anyone.

So, after that most assuredly lamest RD ever, we went to the church. Nice place, big, airy, very pretty, lots of plants. Still not one word of hello, how are you, so nice to see you, thanks so much for driving 8 hours up for our wedding! I find out that one of the bridesmaids is actually staying over at the bride's parents house! So, she was at dinner last night with everyone except us! Isn't that just superb?

I did learn one positive thing that I was scared about - I'm sitting in the front pew with hubby's mom/stepfather. So, I'm happy about that. So they practice the ceremony and such. I sit in a pew, writing my notes. At one point, I hear the bride talking to junior in the hallway. She was being sweet and nice, prepping him for tomorrow. Fine. Dandy. I got in my one PA shot when they did another runthrough of the ceremony. Everyone stood up to watch her come down the aisle and I sat on my slightly less fatter ass and ignored her.

So, about 8pm, I'm in the hallway and she finally walks past me and says something to me. Verbatim: Lisa, can you make sure to remind junior to walk slow tomorrow? I tried so hard not laugh in her face.

So then they are having punch and cookies. And groom is talking to hubby and junior, fine. Hubby's mother tries to introduce me to someone, I told her to stop. I said, its not your place to introduce us to people. Finally the bride's mom walked over to introduce herself to me. She even thanked me for doing so much for the bride, the scrapbook, the album, etc. Her hubby was chatting to my hubby and made minor small talk to me.

So then the guys all went out for a few beers. And the girls all went out with the bride. Of course, I wasn't invited, but the 16 year old sil was! Now, granted, I know I have the boy. But guess what? I could have left him with his grandmother for one hour (not a chance in hell I would have actually done that, but still).

Wedding is tomorrow. I'll be polite. But let me tell you, I'm done with them. This "issue" is going to have lasting repercussions on my part. I will be totally polite any time I see her but it will be a totally fake thing. And hubby knows it.

Let's see if brother in law ever bothers to apologize to me. And there's no way in hell I'm going out with them when they get back from their honeymoon.

Addendum to Day 1!!!!

MAJOR UPDATE: Hubby came home, we put the boy to bed. Cracked open a couple George Killians and then he tells me that his brother called him. Brother profusely apologized, said he screwed up, he's sorry, he's just been so busy this week with all the last minute wedding things and he had a brain fart. Right.

He asked about me, hubby said I was really upset and that he should call me after the wedding to apologize. Brother said they would take us out for dinner after they came back from honeymoon. I could care less about the food or the money. Really. I just want an apology from BOTH of them.

Because, truth be told, we all know men are stupid. Especially about wedding etiquette and such. But the fiance? She should have smacked him around and said, how the hell are you not inviting your brother and his family? So. I'm still pissed.

Hubby thinks his mom told brother today at dinner how upset we were. But his mom didn't discuss it with him today. Par for the course in that family.

Sucky Adventures in VT, Day 1

We left at 10:15 and got here by like 5:30ish. Not bad. Some random thoughts. Everything smells like cow shit. We drove through farmland for about 1.5 hours. Very pretty, looked like Amish country. Lots of silos, cows, horses. Even some goats. Then I saw a camel. Seriously. Yep, a camel. Like from the desert. Junior was laughing. I kept telling hubby, look a camel. He's all no way, there's no camels in VT, what are you smoking. I kept saying, look, look. He finally looks. We all went nuts laughing. Some VT farmer has a camel in with his cows. It's so funny!

So! Since we weren't invited (with the rest of the family)to dinner at the bride's parents house, we had to find a place to eat. We drove around for an additional 35 minutes because Darth Vader (hubby's GPS's voice) kept saying there were tons of restaurants in 2-3 miles. Well, don't give up your day job JEJ, we couldn't find anything. Finally, hubby asks me what I want to eat. I roll my eyes and ask him what his family was eating for dinner. Yes. I am a bitch. I can't stop commenting on the RUDENESS that is his family.

Plus I get pissy when I'm hungry. I mean seriously, does he not remember I have blood sugar issues! So, we ate dinner (70 freaking dollars we could have saved, had we been invited to dinner) and came back to the hotel to swim. Around 9:30 his mommy calls and says they are on their way back to the hotel from the bride's parents house. Isn't that sweet?

So he took the boy down the hall to say hello. I am in the room blogging about how much I can't stand his family. I can't wait to find out if his mom says anything. I don't think she told BIL and fiance that we are pissed off. Because BIL would have called hubby with a flimsy weak excuse.

Tomorrow we are sight seeing in the morn, then have the RD at 4:30. My plan is to ignore the bride and groom as much as possible and let them have a nice weekend. Because if they come near me, I won't be responsible for my actions. I told hubby this, and he fully understands. I also told him that if his mom or bil ask him about the 'issue', he is to us the policy line: "my wife and I are both insulted" because if he doesn't and he throws me under the bus, he's never getting laid again. And he knows me well enough by now to know I mean it.

Stay tuned for Sucky Adventures in VT, Day 2!

ooh, small update!

There's free wireless at the hotel, so the laptop is being packed in my hot pink with white polka dotted laptop case. You will all get daily updates of the impending torturous weekend.

Stay tuned. Oh, and if you can spell torturous better then me, let me know. Thanks.

And so it begins!!

Get this: The wedding is Saturday. We (me, hubby and junior) are driving up tomorrow - Thursday. MIL, her hubby and the teenage SIL are driving up tomorrow as well. The bride's parents invited MIL and family over for dinner tomorrow night. We (the groom's brother and family) were not invited over. We are the only family members of the groom who are coming in on Thursday. I am LIVID. I think the bride's family should have invited us over as well. Hubby thinks I'm overreacting. Well, tough shit. He's being slighted - as per usual. BIL is the golden haired child and my husband is the black sheep. I am super pissed.

Update: I called MIL. Now, you know its got to be bad if I willingly called my mother in law. She said she didn't know why we weren't invited, but maybe the bride's parents didn't realize we would be in VT on Thursday. I agreed that maybe that was the case, but the groom, MY HUSBAND'S BROTHER knew we were coming up and he should have said something.

Who am I kidding. This is the guy that had us over for Easter with no snacks. Oh, I miss that post. Don't you all?

So, last week at CVS

I went in with my lists and my coupons and I attempted to purchase several items that were on sale in the circular and generating ECBs. Well, the cashier (S) saw my coupons for shaving gel and said he needed to check with the manager. Ok. A few minutes later he comes up and says, oh, we can't take these. I ask him why. He says because the manager said so. Uh-huh. I explained that answer won't work for me and he calls the manager to the front. Let's call her B.

B takes one look at the coupons (all internet printed) and tells me they look fake. I was so shocked, I asked her if she was insuinating I created fake coupons, because that was very insulting. She says no, maybe I didn't create them but they look fake and she won't accept them. I ask her why they look fake and she can't give me an answer. She just hemmed and hawed and then said that management doesn't have to take any coupons they don't want too. Right.

I left my items on the counter and went to my car in the parking lot. I then dialed the magic number! 1-800-SHOP-CVS!

I spoke with a very nice midwestern lady who was completely and utterly shocked that the MANAGER didn't even bother to swipe the coupons and just flat out refused to accept them. We chatted for a few more mins, then she put me on hold to call B, and then the district manager.

How many times do you think I asked out loud : Who the fuck does she think she's messing with? So the customer service lady came back and told me she just spoke to B, who admitted that she didn't swipe the coupons. This part is funny. Then she says, B wasn't very nice at all. I was cracking up. So she told me to wait a few minutes and go back to purchase my items. I told her I would call her if I had any additional problems.

I called hubby while waiting the few mins and he was cracking up. He likes when I get all riled up. I think it turns him on. So I go back inside and walk brazenly over to S. I tell him I'm here to get my items. He glares at me without saying a word and rings me up. I wordlessly hand him my coupons, one at a time. I purchased 3 razors, 2 shaving gels, some gum and 2 body washes. My total came to 25 cents. After he handed me my receipt I cheerfully wished him a good day!

I mean really, when will these people learn?

And we're back!

Hola people! Due to some unforseen minor circumstances, the blog was down. But I have triumphantly returned.

Just in time for:

The wedding from hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!