The good news is that I NEVER have to go to their house again!!

Here's the story...of a lovely lady...who hated her inlaws with a passion...sing it with me!!

We drive up to east bumble fuck friday night, we get there at 10pmish. We walk into the basement - which is their tv room/family room and everyone is sitting there in the dark. Seriously. The room is huge and their are lights in the ceiling, like every other square, and yet, they are all off and 2 small table lights are on. MIL, her husband, their 17 year old daughter and the Korean Exchange Student (KES) plus my husband's younger brother and his wife - the bitch from VT.

So I try to go in my bag to find my pills and its so freaking dark in that room I can't see anything. I made a comment to my MIL, something like -why are all the lights off?? She finally put on some lights. We sat there for like 10 mins chatting and then I was falling asleep, so I got up and left. Hubby was smart and took the boy out after me and we went to the guest house to sleep. Hubby went back to chat with the family. Fine by me!

Saturday: So we go over around 8:30 for breakfast. I make pleasant conversation. The SIL from VT sits next to me and says maybe 3 words total to me. Then she leaves to go take a shower. There was absolutely nothing to do so hubby and I went to the General Store to buy eggs for the boy to dye. That was a fun trip, the town is severely depressed, the supermarket/general store is 2 aisles, with one cashier. It's pathetic. Oh, and no matzoh either!

ETA: totally forgot to add this! The VT SIL tried to correct my child during breakfast. Junior was sitting next to hubby on the other side of the table. He must have been playing with his food or something, because she says to him (rather sharply!) Junior, don't do that with your food! I just turned around and looked at her with my eyebrows raised. I should have said something like, don't discipline my child thank you very much but I didn't want to rock the boat. Next time, the boat's going over and everyone's drowning.

We get back to the house. The boys go outside to shoot BB guns. Fine. I go sit in the living room with ySIL and SIL. I bring a book of crossword puzzles with me. So we are sitting there in silence. I'm trying to be nice and start a conversation. Here's what happens (K is a cousin in upstate NY that invited everyone up to his house for a weekend in July):

me: so are you going to K's house in july for the long weekend?
ySIL: (tries to sleep, eyes closed, doesn't speak)
SIL: I don't know.
(dead silence - normal people would have asked if we were going, right???)
me: we can't make it this year, we are going to Disney for a week.
ySIL: (snores)
SIL: (doesn't say a freaking word, just gets up and walks out of the room!!!!!)

WTF??? She can't speak politely to me? I am giving her great conversational fodder, all she has to do is ask where we are staying, how long, who are we going with, etc etc etc!!

So, now she's in the kitchen cooking with MIL. Cutting up cheese and veggies. MIL wants me to make the raisin sauce for the ham. Fine. I am standing 8 inches away from SIl and again try to make conversation:

me: how's your mom and dad doing?
her: good
(WTF??? one word answers!)
me: what are they doing for Easter?
her: going to my grandparents
(complete silence)

At this point, I give up. There's not much else I can do. So I finish my sauce, help out a bit more and then go outside to shoot the BB gun. Then we go back and the boy and I dye Easter eggs with the KES because she's never done this before. The KES is incredibly shy and my MIL tells me she isn't outgoing or friendly, she spends all her time in the basement on her laptop. NO SHIT LADY, I would do the same thing if I had to live with you!!!

After the eggs, I went downstairs with the boy. He was playing with some games, and toys and stuff. I worked on my puzzle book. I actually had the balls to put a movie on!! Remember, they don't watch tv. Get this. The movie selection was interesting. Every episode of Veggie Tales - the boy & I are both freaked out as to how the veggies can walk without legs. A few Disney movies. Petticoat Junction! Like 4 seasons of I Love Lucy. Remember the 17 year old collects I Love Lucy. So we put on Shrek. It was the only thing either of us wanted to watch. So everyone goes and hides easter eggs outside - the neighbors were coming over for an egg hunt and dinner.

The neighbors are OUR age and from NJ. And there the similarity ends. He's the pastor at their church. They have 4 kids. Very nice, we chatted politely. The kids ran around collecting the eggs. Junior had fun. We go inside and get ready for dinner. I wound up sitting at the kids table. It was funny. My mother in law's husband sits down - but not at the head of the table. MIL sits next to him on the right. Then there's a space, and then junior's plate is set up. On the other side of MIL's hubby is freakish SIL and BIL. So I (obviously) go to sit next ot my child. At this point, everyone else is at the table on the other side except for my husband. And there's one chair left across the table at the head. MIL turns to me and asks: oh did you want to sit next to your husband? I was like, um yes, that would be nice thanks. So finally BIl and SIL move down one spot so there's a spot next me for hubby.

Food was good. I was amazed there's was plenty of food. Honestly. I helped clear the table and pack up the food, then the fun started. The menfolk all went out on the deck and started shooting .22s!!!!!!!! I thought I would die. Cue the banjos!
I actually shot a couple times and was pretty good if I do say so myself. The pastor was teaching his 10 year old son how to shoot. Great bonding! I refused to let Scotty touch the gun, but he was allowed to shoot the BB gun and he enjoyed that. For 10 mins, then we went inside and went downstairs.

Fast forward to about 8ish and the boy can't catch his breath. He's having trouble breathing so we leave and go to the little house. I give him his inhaler and he feels better right away. At which point I say to my husband - that's it, we are done. We are not staying for lunch tomorrow, we are leaving right after we wake up. The boy is allergic to dogs. They have 2. They washed and cleaned and vacuumed and put the dogs away. Great. But, then they let the dogs out to eat and go outside and somehow it was just too much. I don't know, I don't care. All I know is my baby and I are NEVER going back up there again. Woohoo!!!

So the next morning - after I was up every 4 hours checking his breathing, we got up and started packing. My MIL came over with her hubby and the 17 yo to say good bye and give junior an easter basket. Very nice of her. We took a few pics and said our goody byes. Hubby went over to say goodbye to his brother and the wife. After I got junior into bed the night before, hubby went back over to the big house. And it seems the SIL was talking up a storm with him! About allergies, and meds, etc etc. She's a freaking Physican's Assistant. Great. She can talk to him, but not me. Definitely doesn't like me which is fine, now I have no reason to be nice to her. Anyway, so hubby went over to say good bye to them, they couldn't be bothered to come say good bye to me. And then we left!!

The minute I got home I took the SIL off of my friend's list on facebook. I am thisclose to removing the brother too.