Why I drank the Fifth on the Fourth!

Ok, so mother in law (MIL) and brother in law (BIL) and his bitch wife from VT (SIL) came over to the house at 1130ish so we could all go visit the boys' father who is in a nursing home in our town.

PT 1 to me! They walk in, and I'm in the kitchen packing things up so I shout out a random hello. MIL comes in and I stop to hug her and chit chat. SIL comes in to say hello, I literally said hello, and then opened the frige and stuck my head in to find some fruit to pack. She stayed there for a few secs and then walked out. A few mins later her husband had to come in to ask me for something to eat for her b/c she didn't have breakfast and they woke up late, blah blah blah. I gave him a banana for her. So then she says to me - so how have you been? I answer her 'good' and turn away. EXACTLY what she did to me at Easter!

We get to the picnic at a cousin's house. I completely ignore her. OMG, it was FABULOUS! The boy and I say hello to everyone, we walk around, we see the fish, we go get changed for swimming. He goes in the pool, I sat down with a book and a drink. Don't even see her for like 40 mins. Then she comes over while I'm talking to some people. I don't say a word to her but she finally asks me where the husbands are - they had gone off walking/drinking. I was like, um, I don't know they are having fun somewhere. She's like oh, I need to get in the car. I tell her to call her husband and she tells me her cell phone is locked in the car. She's just brilliant isn't she? I even offered to call my husband and she's like no, no its okay. Okay, I put my phone away and go back to my book! She stands there for a few seconds and then walks away! Score!

She doesn't come near me for like an hour or so. The boy gets out of the pool, we have snacks, we walk around, we play etc. His cousins show up, we play with them, we go back into the pool with the cousins. I notice SIL is coming and all over the cousin's baby - fine by me. We all sit down, and she's sitting on my left. I literally pull my chair a bit away from her and sit down more to the right next to Aunt so and so. So cousin, aunt and I are chatting and SIL is next to me on the left not saying a fucking word. For like 25 mins. At one point, the boy splashed in the pool and we felt some drops - which felt great in the heat. She was like oh boy, stop splashing me. I shouted back out to him, you are doing fine baby don't worry. I didn't even look at her. We sat there for about an hour and then the kids get out and we walk back up to the table where we are all sitting.

Random vent - cousin's boyfriend is a schmuck in my opinion. The whole day he was smoking hand rolled herbal ciggarettes next to his 9 month old infant! WTF! I told my son to stay away from him and I kept him away when I saw the dickweed light up. I was shocked that cousin (a die hard hippie/free thinker/vegan) was okay with this - sure they may be herbal, but um, its still nasty stinky smoke that an infant does NOT need to breathe in. Bring on the asthma!

Anyway, SIL didn't say a word to me and it was great. She was mingling with the cousins and playing with the baby, and so was I and the boy. But I completely ignored her. I was holding the baby at one point, and everyone went to get food, she was like oh do you want me to watch her, and I just said no we are fine and then turned away.

Ok, then we are packing up to leave, and saying good bye to everyone. I went to say goodbye to the hostess, and sil was standing there. Well, I was ignoring the crap out of her while I said my byes to the hostess and a cousin. So SIL leaned over to hug/kiss me and I just stood there and said have a nice summer! Then I turned and walked away.

So it went very well. From now on, I treat her just like she's been treating me. She can't be bothered to talk to me, so why should I talk to her? Oh, at one point, by the pool the first time, she asked me what was knew. I was reading my book and I just said oh we are really busy - getting ready for our vacation on tuesday. And I continued reading my book, b/c as I knew she would, she just sat there with a blank look on her face and couldn't make conversation.

MIL was there and she was fine - isn't it funny? We got along just fine. Hubby likes to say how wonderful it is that I get along well with his mother now since I have his sister in law to hate. HA! Exactly.

The good news is that I NEVER have to go to their house again!!

Here's the story...of a lovely lady...who hated her inlaws with a passion...sing it with me!!

We drive up to east bumble fuck friday night, we get there at 10pmish. We walk into the basement - which is their tv room/family room and everyone is sitting there in the dark. Seriously. The room is huge and their are lights in the ceiling, like every other square, and yet, they are all off and 2 small table lights are on. MIL, her husband, their 17 year old daughter and the Korean Exchange Student (KES) plus my husband's younger brother and his wife - the bitch from VT.

So I try to go in my bag to find my pills and its so freaking dark in that room I can't see anything. I made a comment to my MIL, something like -why are all the lights off?? She finally put on some lights. We sat there for like 10 mins chatting and then I was falling asleep, so I got up and left. Hubby was smart and took the boy out after me and we went to the guest house to sleep. Hubby went back to chat with the family. Fine by me!

Saturday: So we go over around 8:30 for breakfast. I make pleasant conversation. The SIL from VT sits next to me and says maybe 3 words total to me. Then she leaves to go take a shower. There was absolutely nothing to do so hubby and I went to the General Store to buy eggs for the boy to dye. That was a fun trip, the town is severely depressed, the supermarket/general store is 2 aisles, with one cashier. It's pathetic. Oh, and no matzoh either!

ETA: totally forgot to add this! The VT SIL tried to correct my child during breakfast. Junior was sitting next to hubby on the other side of the table. He must have been playing with his food or something, because she says to him (rather sharply!) Junior, don't do that with your food! I just turned around and looked at her with my eyebrows raised. I should have said something like, don't discipline my child thank you very much but I didn't want to rock the boat. Next time, the boat's going over and everyone's drowning.

We get back to the house. The boys go outside to shoot BB guns. Fine. I go sit in the living room with ySIL and SIL. I bring a book of crossword puzzles with me. So we are sitting there in silence. I'm trying to be nice and start a conversation. Here's what happens (K is a cousin in upstate NY that invited everyone up to his house for a weekend in July):

me: so are you going to K's house in july for the long weekend?
ySIL: (tries to sleep, eyes closed, doesn't speak)
SIL: I don't know.
(dead silence - normal people would have asked if we were going, right???)
me: we can't make it this year, we are going to Disney for a week.
ySIL: (snores)
SIL: (doesn't say a freaking word, just gets up and walks out of the room!!!!!)

WTF??? She can't speak politely to me? I am giving her great conversational fodder, all she has to do is ask where we are staying, how long, who are we going with, etc etc etc!!

So, now she's in the kitchen cooking with MIL. Cutting up cheese and veggies. MIL wants me to make the raisin sauce for the ham. Fine. I am standing 8 inches away from SIl and again try to make conversation:

me: how's your mom and dad doing?
her: good
(WTF??? one word answers!)
me: what are they doing for Easter?
her: going to my grandparents
(complete silence)

At this point, I give up. There's not much else I can do. So I finish my sauce, help out a bit more and then go outside to shoot the BB gun. Then we go back and the boy and I dye Easter eggs with the KES because she's never done this before. The KES is incredibly shy and my MIL tells me she isn't outgoing or friendly, she spends all her time in the basement on her laptop. NO SHIT LADY, I would do the same thing if I had to live with you!!!

After the eggs, I went downstairs with the boy. He was playing with some games, and toys and stuff. I worked on my puzzle book. I actually had the balls to put a movie on!! Remember, they don't watch tv. Get this. The movie selection was interesting. Every episode of Veggie Tales - the boy & I are both freaked out as to how the veggies can walk without legs. A few Disney movies. Petticoat Junction! Like 4 seasons of I Love Lucy. Remember the 17 year old collects I Love Lucy. So we put on Shrek. It was the only thing either of us wanted to watch. So everyone goes and hides easter eggs outside - the neighbors were coming over for an egg hunt and dinner.

The neighbors are OUR age and from NJ. And there the similarity ends. He's the pastor at their church. They have 4 kids. Very nice, we chatted politely. The kids ran around collecting the eggs. Junior had fun. We go inside and get ready for dinner. I wound up sitting at the kids table. It was funny. My mother in law's husband sits down - but not at the head of the table. MIL sits next to him on the right. Then there's a space, and then junior's plate is set up. On the other side of MIL's hubby is freakish SIL and BIL. So I (obviously) go to sit next ot my child. At this point, everyone else is at the table on the other side except for my husband. And there's one chair left across the table at the head. MIL turns to me and asks: oh did you want to sit next to your husband? I was like, um yes, that would be nice thanks. So finally BIl and SIL move down one spot so there's a spot next me for hubby.

Food was good. I was amazed there's was plenty of food. Honestly. I helped clear the table and pack up the food, then the fun started. The menfolk all went out on the deck and started shooting .22s!!!!!!!! I thought I would die. Cue the banjos!
I actually shot a couple times and was pretty good if I do say so myself. The pastor was teaching his 10 year old son how to shoot. Great bonding! I refused to let Scotty touch the gun, but he was allowed to shoot the BB gun and he enjoyed that. For 10 mins, then we went inside and went downstairs.

Fast forward to about 8ish and the boy can't catch his breath. He's having trouble breathing so we leave and go to the little house. I give him his inhaler and he feels better right away. At which point I say to my husband - that's it, we are done. We are not staying for lunch tomorrow, we are leaving right after we wake up. The boy is allergic to dogs. They have 2. They washed and cleaned and vacuumed and put the dogs away. Great. But, then they let the dogs out to eat and go outside and somehow it was just too much. I don't know, I don't care. All I know is my baby and I are NEVER going back up there again. Woohoo!!!

So the next morning - after I was up every 4 hours checking his breathing, we got up and started packing. My MIL came over with her hubby and the 17 yo to say good bye and give junior an easter basket. Very nice of her. We took a few pics and said our goody byes. Hubby went over to say goodbye to his brother and the wife. After I got junior into bed the night before, hubby went back over to the big house. And it seems the SIL was talking up a storm with him! About allergies, and meds, etc etc. She's a freaking Physican's Assistant. Great. She can talk to him, but not me. Definitely doesn't like me which is fine, now I have no reason to be nice to her. Anyway, so hubby went over to say good bye to them, they couldn't be bothered to come say good bye to me. And then we left!!

The minute I got home I took the SIL off of my friend's list on facebook. I am thisclose to removing the brother too.

Random thoughts...

Why do drunk insane people always manage to sit in my car on the train? This happens at least once a month. It's so funny.

I have got to stop eating. I just ate 2 egg rolls! Two!! One is bad enough, but I had to eat the other one!! I'm back on WW and I. Must. Stop. Eating.

My neighbors are nutty. Seriously. In the fall, the hubby was raking leaves. So I turned into our drive and saw him, plus saw 2 of his green plastic lawn chairs in the street. I was wondering why he put his chairs in the road, on either ends of the big ass leaf pile, when I saw his 3 year old daughter in the middle of the leaf pile! In the street! He's a moron. He used to let her, as a 1 year old, walk by herself about 10 feet in front of him, down the street to the corner of the MAIN ROAD, where she could have toddled into the road and gotten mowed down by a speeding car.

Facebook is like high school revisited. The people who wouldn't talk to me in HS still don't talk to me. I 'friended' a few people and they accepted. Fine. I went to their wall and did the "hi, how are you? blah blah blah" post. Nothing too intrusive, just the basic hi, how have you been for the last 20 years. You think they would respond maybe? Even a dutiful one liner and I would have been happy.

Well, a few of them couldn't be bothered. Yet, and here's where my natural stalking tendencies come into play. I saw them respond to other people's walls over and over again. So, they got my posts and just ignored them!! Even when I commented on pictures of their kids!! So I 'unfriended' the fuckers.

More FB rants. Some people need to read up a bit more on their privacy settings. Some friend of my brother in law's photo album is now on my computer. And I can send the album pictures to anyone I choose. I don't even know this person! Yet, I now know what color her bed sheets are and what she likes to eat for dinner. WTF!

How many points is a glass of wine? I really could use one tonight.

Pics of the christmas presents

Yep. She got hubby coffee. Thanks, Mom!




Teen SIL got me tea. Maybe a theme? I don't know. Look at the size of that tea ball though! I could start a tea leaf reading service I suppose.



It's cute. I haven't managed to break it yet. Soon.



And the earrings. I might have worn ones like this when I was 16. Possibly, even 18. Now? Um, no fucking way.

omg, wait, i forgot this tidbit!

The bride's new nickname? Rexie!!!! Yep. Like a T. Rex dinosaur. It seems she's so weak in her arms that she can't open up things, like jars, wine coolers, etc. So brother in law started calling her Rexie. Ok, I could say that would be somewhat cutesy in the privacy of their own home.

But then, in my kitchen, she opened up the back door and said to him, Rexie can't open this, can you help? She referred to herself as Rexie. She's the next Suede obviously. I was like, what did you say? So she admitted to me about the weak arms, Rexie nickname. I was dying. Um, okay, wow.

Here's some examples...

So I was showing my husband's sister in law (the bride) the pictures from our recent tropical vacation. And here's how the conversation went:

Me: We had a great time.
Her: [complete silence, weak smile]

Repeat for 8 seconds. Then I got up, walked into the kitchen and cracked open another blue alcoholic drink.

WTF.

Normal people would have asked something along the lines of: Did you have fun? So did you sight see? Did you go snorkeling? How was the food? Did they have activites at night? How was the water? ETC!

And now, just today, hubby (god I love him, but I really want to smack the fucking shit out of him right now) suggested we ask his brother and the wife to go on vacation with us next year. Everyone say it with me:

WHAT THE FUCK?

So. Not. Going. To. Happen.

Ever.

And so this is Christmas!

Update:So I found out that MIL gave her favorite son (you know, the one I'm not married to) camping equipment, and a tupperware gravy shaker. And gave the wife maple tea. WTF, maple again! This could explain why she's so cold. She doesn't have blook in her veins, she has maple syrup in there! So. Camping equipment, tupperware gravy shaker and tea. Ok, those are all practical.


Hello faithful blog readers! Happy New Year! Last week for Christmas we went to hubby's Aunt's house in PA. It was really very nice, she had about 25 people over and we had fun. MIL was there with her husband, and the young sister in law and the exchange student from Korea. Thankfully there were lots of other people to talk to and they created a lovely buffer zone for me.

In the past, MIL used to make cookies, fudge or canned cookie/cocoa receipes and give out to everyone who was at the christmas event. Well, this time, we spoke before Christmas and I told her I was making mini bread loaves and mini muffins for each family, so she said she would do fudge or cookies. So MIL gave out to every family there: 4 teeny cubes of homemade fundge wrapped in plastic wrap with a fake sprig of evergreen hot glue gunned to it. I was honestly shocked, usually she makes a nice plate or tin of cookies, etc.

I had told hubby that we should bring a few wrapped presents for junior to open up b/c I knew he would feel left out when his cousins opened up all their presents and he just had one thing from MIL. Hubby poo-poohed it, and guess what? Yep, just like the first Christmas I spent with hubby's family, everyone else in the family gave and received lots of great gifts. Except us.

She got junior a DVD movie.

Yep. That's it. Oh, wait, the 16 year old sister in law also got him a movie.

When I have grandkids, I swear I am going to spoil them with presents. Not just one freaking DVD. He opened it up and was like, oh, where are my other presents mommy. He just sat there watching his cousins open up their presents. Fortunately, hubby's aunt and cousin brought some other things for him so he was happy. I was pissed though. I shouldn't be. I should know better.

I don't even try any more. I don't even expect anything anymore for myself. (I'm rambling - inlaws just left from today's visit and I've been drinking all day!!) Now remember last year? This is what I got last year:



Well, this was a much better year, no pictures yet, but will have some tomorrow. First, she gave hubby a pound of DD coffee. The came me. I got a cute-in-a-$2.45-I-bought-it-at-a-craft-show way 9" bud vase with a few handpainted purple flowers on it. Its cute. I almost broke it already. Now here's the kicker, she gave us a $25 Corning Warehouse gift card. Here's the catch: the Corning Warehouse is up by her and to use the gift card (price of admission) we would have to stay at her place for 2 nights most likely. WTF? Like I want to do that again?? I am seriously considering putting it on ebay! So, all in all, it wasn't that bad. I think after 11 years I've finally figured it out. One year we get shit in a wrapped box, and then other year we get a passable gift. The best year was when she gave me a $25 Michael's card. Why can't she just do that every year? It would be FANTASTIC!

Young sil gave hubby a baggie of 20 chocolate chip cookies. HA. She made me a pair of earrings. What's that you say? You can't remember the last time I wore earrings? I know. I usually wear them once a year at most. But, its better than last year's gift:



Ok. Seriously? I know. I tossed them in the garbage the minute after I took that picture, the things I do for you people! So this year, she gave me the earrings and today she brought me a box of loose decaf tea with a tea ball. Junior is in love with the tea ball. So, you know, I'm fine with that, again one year is shit, the other is fine.

Now, the brother in law and his new wife. Last year I got them a freaking turkey roasting pan with a wire rack and a 5pc metal basting set. God, I'm still bitter. Can you tell? Who remembers what they got me? Come on, how can you not? Show of hands! Here it is, in all its glory:



Please note the water bottle is only there to show size. They gave me a freaking 1/2" tall snowman candle. So, who wants to know what I got them this year? Wait. Go read the "Sucky Adventures in Vermont" posts first, then come back.

Done? Good. This year I made them a present. I should have taken a picture but, oops, I totally forgot to take pictures today. I think I took one. Anyway. I made them an inked canvas with a black & white wedding pic of them, with their names and some vellum quotes, etc. I think it came out awesome and only cost about $10. I know. I just am a sucker, and I like to make things. I don't think the wife liked it though, when she opened it up, she was like, oh, thanks and looked weird. Well, more weird than usual. Ok, so they gave us a snapfish album, wait let me go look up the price. $11.99!! It's cute. Mostly pictures of her family, and maybe 3 of us. Whatever. It's better than the freaking snowman candle.

So they came over today for Christmas. It was so freaking boring. Except for my hubby's friend, let's call him M. We had fun, he's a normal person. Hubby's family? Not so much. So I drank heavily. OMG, did you ever put coconut rum and eggnog in hot tea? It's so freaking delish. We had absolutely nothing to talk about. It was so awkward. Thank god its over. I don't have to see them again till Easter I think!

Oh, this is good. At one point, a friend of the family who came down with them (he grew up with hubby and the brother) asked if I was Jewish. My MIL says oh, what makes you ask? Did you see something that looks Jewish? She said it in an obnoxious tone. I guess she's offended that I put up a few hanukkah decorations next to the freaking christmas tree! So sorry!!!

Ugh. Ugh. Annoying. So glad its over. I swear my husband is the postman's child.
See, I just don't feel at all comfortable with them. We have nothing in common. Even my husband escaped and hung outside the whole time. Ooh, get this, I was going to seat them with my MIL in between brother and wife. And MIL says, oh, no you should put them next to each other. And I'm like, WTF, during my wedding you sat next to MY husband during the cocktail hour until I kicked your we-forgot-the-camera lying ass out of the room.

So, here's a new pic of my boyfriend!

Or, as some friends like to call him, my stalkee. God I love him. Look at him. He's utterly gorgeous. My hubby likes to call him a mongoloid. He's so rude isn't he? I think its just the jealousy.

Anyway! Meet Michael Irby. Star of The Unit on CBS Sunday nights at 10pm. You all watch right?

He also appears nightly in my dreams. Ooh la la! And he's my muse of course, inspiring me to write not just one, but two, count them - TWO - fan fics. Which (natch) were very well received.

Isn't he gorgeous? Fun trivia fact: his birthday is the day before my husband's. Hey, what can I say, I love Scorpios!

So, I forgot my Anniversary today!

Yep. How embarassing!! I came home about 40 mins ago and saw a card for me on the table. Oops! Now, the funny thing about this is that I was just telling my girlfriend about how I booked my wedding place 2 years before my actual wedding!!!!

See, hubby and I were talking marriage in the fall of 1998. We planned on getting engaged spring of 1999 and then the wedding in fall of 2000. Well, my mom went to the reception place for a holiday party, fell in love with the place and called me immediately. I agreed we needed to check it out, so we went to a Bridal show a few weeks later. Well, we completely fell in love with the place!!!

So, natually, one of the banquet managers took us upstairs to talk prices. We were talking about dates and I said not until November of 2000. He opens his calendar and tells me there were only 2 Sundays left in November!!!! He said he would need a $500 deposit to hold the date. I turned to look at my mother and she whips out her checkbook. Ta-dah!

Now, the kicker was, we didn't tell Hubby. I didn't want to freak him out. So for the next 8 months or so I played the dutiful bride to be who couldn't find a wedding place. Every single time we went out for dinner, I asked for a wedding package and kept up nonstop wedding chatter about different places.

Finally, after getting the ring, I told Hubby that I wanted to get married at X place on such and such day. So we called my mother and the following conversation took place:

Me (with hubby sitting right next to me): Hi Mom & Dad! We decided to get married at _______________! We are so excited! But we really want November 5th so can you go down and book it right away?

Mom: Wonderful! How exciting! Yes, we can go down this week and book it, no problem!
My Father: Didn't we do this already? Didn't we book it last year?
Mom: Shut up Mxxxx! Get off the phone!

Me: Great, thank you so much, we can't wait to start planning! Talk to you soon!
My Father: What's going on here? What are you talking about? We did this last November!
Mom: Bye!!

So then I "had" to run out to get ciggarettes and called my mom from the pay phone. We were hysterical laughing, and my dad is in the background complaining about how we were crazy, etc.

Now, the best part? Everyone of my friends knew about this EXCEPT my husband. He had not one clue until about 3 years or so ago. We were watching tv and a blurb for Dr. Phil came on about honesty in relationships. I turned to hubby and said, oh, I should tell you something. He was like what the fuck?

I said, I should have told you this before we got married, I'm so sorry I didn't, can you ever forgive me? He was so white as a ghost!! He kept saying, what, just say it, what? So I told him. About booking the ____________ 8 months before we got engaged!

He didn't find it as humorous as I did!!!!!

Happy Anniversary sweetie, I love you!

The latest annoying thing in my life

is that my inlaws have found me on Facebook.com. So my brother in law, his wife and the 16 year old sister in law are all on my Friends list now. The only way it could be worse, was if my computer illiterate mil figured out how to use a computer. I like Facebook, don't get me wrong. I think its a cute way to keep in touch with friends, find old friends, cute games, etc etc. BUT, its dangerous when you want to talk shit about your inlaws. So, in the spirit of bitchiness, all comments and pointless stories (including pictures of cheezy ass Christmas presents) will be kept to this site.

My current petty issue right now: So it was Bride SIL's birthday yesterday. Teen SIL wished her a HB on her wall and called her "Sis". Gag me. Then, Bride SIL wrote back to Teen SIL and called her "Sis". Gag me with a fucking spoon.

A few choice moments

Totally forgot to finish this post! Ok, so a few choice moments from our trip to the inlaws last month. Yes, its November already. I must make am effort to keep up to date with my blog. Sorry!

After a particularly long praise Jesus pre lunch speech, hubby's cousin made the funniest comment. I had to bite my tongue to keep from responding. They were talking about a cousin that neither had seen in such a long time. Cousin told Hubby that once Cousin X became a 7th Day Adventist, all he talked about what was his religion, how it was the one true religion, etc etc. Cousin said how annoying that was! I rolled my eyes and stuffed another slice of turkey in my mouth.

Um, hello? Pot? Meet Kettle. YOU and your family do the same fucking thing, just with another religion!! Then, not 3 minutes later, I shit you not, his wife pissed me off royally. Someone passed a plate of cold cuts past me and I said to my husband, oh the ham looks good. WELL, you would have thought I raised the Old Testament up in the air and screamed down with the Christians. She says (loudly) YOUR'E JEWISH! YOU CAN'T EAT HAM!!!!!!!

Complete silence at the table. Lov-ely, no? Good thing I am so polite, I just graciously smiled. HA. Ooooh, god my skin is boiling now just thinking about it.

Ok. So then the boys go practice target shooting - totally totally funny as Junior shot better then hubby and hubby's brother. Must be because he's a ham eating Jew!

MIL and SFIL went out to the gas station to return a melted tub of ice cream. (No clue people)So I was left alone with my 2 sister in laws. I sat in the living room doing crossword puzzles until they decided to make a nice cup of tea. We had NOTHING to discuss. Boring!

Then we went to The Grand Canyon of PA. OMG. Totally hysterical side point - some, well a lot, of NJ Harley Riders were there. I wanted to go hang out with them instead. There was a maple sugar stand there and VT sil went bonkers buying maple sugar cotton candy, salad dressing, ice cream, tea, etc.

This morning, I mentioned maple something and Junior threw his hands in the air and says why does she always get so excited about maple stuff, who cares. I asked him who he was talking about and he said Aunt X! I was dying!

Ok, then Saturday night, bil started a bonfire. Because that's what they do for fun in the country. Either that or tip cows, and they don't have cows, so they did a bonfire. I let Junior cook 2 marshmallows and then took him to our "cottage" for bed. Hubby said to me, oh, put him down and then come back. (It was like 8pm) I just cracked up and said no thanks.

The next day was Sunday. Hubby says oh, we will leave to drive home at noon so we can spend the morning with my family. I tell him, everyone will go to church so we should be ready to leave at 9am. He's like, no, no they won't. Guess who was right? We took a group pic on the stairs, and then they all caravanned to Church and we left. Thank GOD! Or whoever lives up there!

Hopefully I don't have to do that again for another 5 years.

A Jew goes to Pennsylvania

Not to be confused with A Tree grows in Brooklyn. So we just got back today from our uneventful weekend with the inlaws. Now, before I start, let me stress that I am not blessed with brevity so put the kids to bed, feed the hubby and make yourself a strong drink.

Back? Ok, good. Let's start with lunch on Friday. We stopped about 1.5 hours from the inlaws at a Denny's for lunch. I ordered soup and a salad. The soup was white clam chowder. First of all, Gordon Ramsay would have had a heart attack when he saw how the bowl looked! Nobody cleaned up the rims! Gordon SCREAMS at the chefs about that at least 2 times an episode. Ok, I can get over that, but the soup? Um. Chowder? Nope. It was white water with like 3 peas and a chunk of carrot in it. It.Was.Horrible. Then I get a nice salad with grilled chicken. I had asked for blue cheese dressing on the side. It came in a small bowl, spilling out and over the side. Fine, fine, I was at Denny's not the Four Seasons as my hubby kept telling me. But, the blue cheese dressing had specks in it. Little black specs. I had no clue what they were, and it certainly didn't taste like blue cheese dressing.

Suffice to say, I ain't eating at Denny's anymore. However, Junior did like the little packet of blue sugar crystals that turned his water blue. Cute.

More later.

The Bullshit is starting already.

So, we just walked in the door from dinner with my parents. We are packing for the weekend trip to hell. You should see the snacks I packed!! Anyway, my brother in law calls my husband to tell him that he and his wife (remember, they are the newlyweds) don't want to go to Corning on Saturday. So I'm like, wtf, they plan on staying at the house on sat? Yep. They plan on hanging out all freaking day at my mother in law's house. I flat out told my husband there was no way in hell I was spending the entire day at the house with them.

I don't spend entire days at my house, why would I want to do it on a trip? It's freaking pathetic. My husband is like, oh we can just hang out at my mother's house with them. I refuse. I told him this months ago, I was promised we would go out and do something.

He just came over here to put me on the phone with his mother. To talk about the grand canyon of pennsylvania. It's a gorge. Big whoop. With a zoo. I bet there's 5 animals tops.

This.Is.Going.To.Suck.Bigtime.

Forgot to tell you!

Guess where I'm going this Friday? For 3 days. Yep. East bumble fuck to spend the weekend with the inlaws from hell. Why? I don't know. My husband is off for 3 days and his mother has planned a LastName family reunion. Keep in mind she's not even a LastName anymore!! She divorced hubby's father like 20 years ago and remarried the evil amish man, so she's a DifferentLastName now. So is their 16 yo daughter. And she invited great Aunt Biddy from NY. Now Aunt Biddy isn't even a LastName anymore either people!!! Her LastName husband died about 40 years ago and she married and has since buried AnotherLastName. So. We are having a LastName family reunion with 4 different families! Ooh, and the South Korean exchange student whose name is Bonny. YEP. I don't get it either. Bonny is a Korean name??

We are leaving Fri am to get there by after lunch. Brother/Sister in law are coming Friday night. Cousins/Aunt Biddy are coming Saturday after lunch. We are leaving Sunday morning as early as I can possibly force it.

So I was promised that on Saturday we would do something, b/c last time we went to East Bumble we sat there for 3 days doing NOTHING. NOTHING. So hubby said oh sure, we can do Corning, or maybe the Grand Canyon of PA. Wow. Won't that be fun. But now, he says his mom has to stay home on Saturday to wait for the cousins. WTF? Why are we even going up there?

I am packing food for myself. It's actually a good thing they don't feed people since I'm on WW now. I want to bring liquor though. Would that be rude? Wait a second! Who cares if its rude!!!

No wireless though so you will all have to wait for the blow by blow till Sunday night or Monday at the latest. I'll bring paper and pen to take notes though!!

7.6

My new favorite numbers this week. Last week was Rosh Hashanah and we went to my mom's to eat yummy jewish food. Brisket, kreplach, stuffed cabbage. Challah. YUM. YUM. I tried to behave and stay on program. But really. Fresh Challah. The only way it could have been worse was if I made it myself. I am doing that for Hanukkah. And probably eating an entire loaf in 2 days.

So the next am was weigh in, and I wound up gaining .8 of a pound, which I was THRILLED. So this past week I was good for about 93% of the time. But there were 2 chinese buffets and 1 court jester this week so I was nervous.

So I go in this morning and get weighed and Denise says oh, you had a good week. So to me, that's like 3 or more lbs lost. She says 7.6 down. I think what the hell? I made her reweigh me. She's like yep, 7.6. I was flipping out. Who loses 7.6 pounds in one week????

So towards the end of the meeting when Toni asks if anyone is celebrating anything my arm shot straight up in the air and everyone started laughing. I was dying. It was so funny.

62.4 is the grand total. Wow. Amazing, no? I wore new jeans (with zippers!!!) and shoes and a shirt to work yesterday. Got so many compliments. I was floating on air.

One more week till The Unit returns!

I can't wait. I'm looking forward to seeing Charlie again of course. But they are adding a girl to the unit. Which just sucks and will bring the show down to a soap opera level in my mind. So I'll DVR it and then fast foward over the non Charlie scenes.

Finished up another fan fic about Charlie and the boys. I was going to add 2 more small scenes at the end, but decided not to. It ends well and I just don't have the time really.

In addition to being class mom at school, team mom for the soccer team and secretary on the pto, I just became the den leader for Junior's cub scout group! yay! Plus I started selling Avon again. Just because I love the products. Oh, and I'm still selling scrapbooks too.

So...I'm a tad busy!

God I suck don't I?

I've been ignoring the crap out of my blog. I suck. So sorry.

Junior went back to school. Every day after school he has a complete and utter meltdown when we leave the playground. Hubby keeps saying he did it last year for the first 2 weeks. Ugh, I hope he gets acclimated soon. Teacher seems nice. I am still voraciously campaigning to be class mom. All the moms want me to be! Well, at least 5 of them told me so at the birthday party last week. I told them to tell the teacher. I've already bought stuff for the halloween goody bags. I love halloween, what can I say? Oh, and he's doing soccer. LOVE, love, love the coaches. I already bought halloween stuff for the team too.

Speaking of the birthday party, we did a Star Wars theme! Lego Star Wars of course. Got the tee shirt and matching cake image from febay. So freaking cute, everyone loved them, I do it every year for our theme. Here's a non identifying picture:


Currently working on getting the bitchy ass manager over at CVS fired. She refused to take an expired ECB, after the (new) cashier already took 3 expired ECBs and CRTs. WTF? I said fine, returned the items and walked out the door. Called 1-800-Shop-CVS and complained. I'm still waiting for the district manager to call me. Hey BOB, call me already. Hubby keeps asking if I got her fired yet.

So I went to Walgreens too. Great deal on Tylenol PM. Which, I eat like candy. So let's see, the 24 caplet count package retails for $5.49, and W put it on sale for $3.49, great price, right? Maybe for some. Not me. This week, there was also an Easy Saver Rebate instant coupon for $1 off. So, that brings it down to $2.49 per box! Still too pricey for moi!! Last week, there were $2 off any Tylenol coupon in the Smart Source coupon pack. I got my hands on 5 of them. So I bought FIVE boxes of Tylenol for $2.50 TOTAL.

Whew! Even impressed myself. That's going into the Bargains scrapbook. Which I still need to get started on. Here's a pic to tide you over:

Yum, cake!

Got this link in an email the other day and I laughed my ass off! Some of those cakes are hysterical!! Plus, she writes wonderfully and she's funny as hell. I'm sure we'd get along fabulously in real life.

Cake Wrecks

Happy Birthday to ME!

I'm officially the big 4-0! Yay for me! I have to say, I'm perfectly content right now in my life. I didn't dread turning 40 at all. I am at a good place in life right now.

In WW news, I'm holding steady at 50.4lbs down since January. I have been gaining/losing the same 3-5 lbs since the end of July and I'm okay with that, really. Junior goes back to school next week and my routine will fall back into place and I hope to lose another 25-35lbs by December.

I'm jazzing up the blog, love the colors now! I hope to add some pictures and cute widgets soon. Have to find some time.

Freebie of the Day - paper samples

http://www.wpprintingandwriting.com/products/request.aspx
Not sure if there is a shipping charge, but this looks like a great deal!