Why I drank the Fifth on the Fourth!

Ok, so mother in law (MIL) and brother in law (BIL) and his bitch wife from VT (SIL) came over to the house at 1130ish so we could all go visit the boys' father who is in a nursing home in our town.

PT 1 to me! They walk in, and I'm in the kitchen packing things up so I shout out a random hello. MIL comes in and I stop to hug her and chit chat. SIL comes in to say hello, I literally said hello, and then opened the frige and stuck my head in to find some fruit to pack. She stayed there for a few secs and then walked out. A few mins later her husband had to come in to ask me for something to eat for her b/c she didn't have breakfast and they woke up late, blah blah blah. I gave him a banana for her. So then she says to me - so how have you been? I answer her 'good' and turn away. EXACTLY what she did to me at Easter!

We get to the picnic at a cousin's house. I completely ignore her. OMG, it was FABULOUS! The boy and I say hello to everyone, we walk around, we see the fish, we go get changed for swimming. He goes in the pool, I sat down with a book and a drink. Don't even see her for like 40 mins. Then she comes over while I'm talking to some people. I don't say a word to her but she finally asks me where the husbands are - they had gone off walking/drinking. I was like, um, I don't know they are having fun somewhere. She's like oh, I need to get in the car. I tell her to call her husband and she tells me her cell phone is locked in the car. She's just brilliant isn't she? I even offered to call my husband and she's like no, no its okay. Okay, I put my phone away and go back to my book! She stands there for a few seconds and then walks away! Score!

She doesn't come near me for like an hour or so. The boy gets out of the pool, we have snacks, we walk around, we play etc. His cousins show up, we play with them, we go back into the pool with the cousins. I notice SIL is coming and all over the cousin's baby - fine by me. We all sit down, and she's sitting on my left. I literally pull my chair a bit away from her and sit down more to the right next to Aunt so and so. So cousin, aunt and I are chatting and SIL is next to me on the left not saying a fucking word. For like 25 mins. At one point, the boy splashed in the pool and we felt some drops - which felt great in the heat. She was like oh boy, stop splashing me. I shouted back out to him, you are doing fine baby don't worry. I didn't even look at her. We sat there for about an hour and then the kids get out and we walk back up to the table where we are all sitting.

Random vent - cousin's boyfriend is a schmuck in my opinion. The whole day he was smoking hand rolled herbal ciggarettes next to his 9 month old infant! WTF! I told my son to stay away from him and I kept him away when I saw the dickweed light up. I was shocked that cousin (a die hard hippie/free thinker/vegan) was okay with this - sure they may be herbal, but um, its still nasty stinky smoke that an infant does NOT need to breathe in. Bring on the asthma!

Anyway, SIL didn't say a word to me and it was great. She was mingling with the cousins and playing with the baby, and so was I and the boy. But I completely ignored her. I was holding the baby at one point, and everyone went to get food, she was like oh do you want me to watch her, and I just said no we are fine and then turned away.

Ok, then we are packing up to leave, and saying good bye to everyone. I went to say goodbye to the hostess, and sil was standing there. Well, I was ignoring the crap out of her while I said my byes to the hostess and a cousin. So SIL leaned over to hug/kiss me and I just stood there and said have a nice summer! Then I turned and walked away.

So it went very well. From now on, I treat her just like she's been treating me. She can't be bothered to talk to me, so why should I talk to her? Oh, at one point, by the pool the first time, she asked me what was knew. I was reading my book and I just said oh we are really busy - getting ready for our vacation on tuesday. And I continued reading my book, b/c as I knew she would, she just sat there with a blank look on her face and couldn't make conversation.

MIL was there and she was fine - isn't it funny? We got along just fine. Hubby likes to say how wonderful it is that I get along well with his mother now since I have his sister in law to hate. HA! Exactly.

The good news is that I NEVER have to go to their house again!!

Here's the story...of a lovely lady...who hated her inlaws with a passion...sing it with me!!

We drive up to east bumble fuck friday night, we get there at 10pmish. We walk into the basement - which is their tv room/family room and everyone is sitting there in the dark. Seriously. The room is huge and their are lights in the ceiling, like every other square, and yet, they are all off and 2 small table lights are on. MIL, her husband, their 17 year old daughter and the Korean Exchange Student (KES) plus my husband's younger brother and his wife - the bitch from VT.

So I try to go in my bag to find my pills and its so freaking dark in that room I can't see anything. I made a comment to my MIL, something like -why are all the lights off?? She finally put on some lights. We sat there for like 10 mins chatting and then I was falling asleep, so I got up and left. Hubby was smart and took the boy out after me and we went to the guest house to sleep. Hubby went back to chat with the family. Fine by me!

Saturday: So we go over around 8:30 for breakfast. I make pleasant conversation. The SIL from VT sits next to me and says maybe 3 words total to me. Then she leaves to go take a shower. There was absolutely nothing to do so hubby and I went to the General Store to buy eggs for the boy to dye. That was a fun trip, the town is severely depressed, the supermarket/general store is 2 aisles, with one cashier. It's pathetic. Oh, and no matzoh either!

ETA: totally forgot to add this! The VT SIL tried to correct my child during breakfast. Junior was sitting next to hubby on the other side of the table. He must have been playing with his food or something, because she says to him (rather sharply!) Junior, don't do that with your food! I just turned around and looked at her with my eyebrows raised. I should have said something like, don't discipline my child thank you very much but I didn't want to rock the boat. Next time, the boat's going over and everyone's drowning.

We get back to the house. The boys go outside to shoot BB guns. Fine. I go sit in the living room with ySIL and SIL. I bring a book of crossword puzzles with me. So we are sitting there in silence. I'm trying to be nice and start a conversation. Here's what happens (K is a cousin in upstate NY that invited everyone up to his house for a weekend in July):

me: so are you going to K's house in july for the long weekend?
ySIL: (tries to sleep, eyes closed, doesn't speak)
SIL: I don't know.
(dead silence - normal people would have asked if we were going, right???)
me: we can't make it this year, we are going to Disney for a week.
ySIL: (snores)
SIL: (doesn't say a freaking word, just gets up and walks out of the room!!!!!)

WTF??? She can't speak politely to me? I am giving her great conversational fodder, all she has to do is ask where we are staying, how long, who are we going with, etc etc etc!!

So, now she's in the kitchen cooking with MIL. Cutting up cheese and veggies. MIL wants me to make the raisin sauce for the ham. Fine. I am standing 8 inches away from SIl and again try to make conversation:

me: how's your mom and dad doing?
her: good
(WTF??? one word answers!)
me: what are they doing for Easter?
her: going to my grandparents
(complete silence)

At this point, I give up. There's not much else I can do. So I finish my sauce, help out a bit more and then go outside to shoot the BB gun. Then we go back and the boy and I dye Easter eggs with the KES because she's never done this before. The KES is incredibly shy and my MIL tells me she isn't outgoing or friendly, she spends all her time in the basement on her laptop. NO SHIT LADY, I would do the same thing if I had to live with you!!!

After the eggs, I went downstairs with the boy. He was playing with some games, and toys and stuff. I worked on my puzzle book. I actually had the balls to put a movie on!! Remember, they don't watch tv. Get this. The movie selection was interesting. Every episode of Veggie Tales - the boy & I are both freaked out as to how the veggies can walk without legs. A few Disney movies. Petticoat Junction! Like 4 seasons of I Love Lucy. Remember the 17 year old collects I Love Lucy. So we put on Shrek. It was the only thing either of us wanted to watch. So everyone goes and hides easter eggs outside - the neighbors were coming over for an egg hunt and dinner.

The neighbors are OUR age and from NJ. And there the similarity ends. He's the pastor at their church. They have 4 kids. Very nice, we chatted politely. The kids ran around collecting the eggs. Junior had fun. We go inside and get ready for dinner. I wound up sitting at the kids table. It was funny. My mother in law's husband sits down - but not at the head of the table. MIL sits next to him on the right. Then there's a space, and then junior's plate is set up. On the other side of MIL's hubby is freakish SIL and BIL. So I (obviously) go to sit next ot my child. At this point, everyone else is at the table on the other side except for my husband. And there's one chair left across the table at the head. MIL turns to me and asks: oh did you want to sit next to your husband? I was like, um yes, that would be nice thanks. So finally BIl and SIL move down one spot so there's a spot next me for hubby.

Food was good. I was amazed there's was plenty of food. Honestly. I helped clear the table and pack up the food, then the fun started. The menfolk all went out on the deck and started shooting .22s!!!!!!!! I thought I would die. Cue the banjos!
I actually shot a couple times and was pretty good if I do say so myself. The pastor was teaching his 10 year old son how to shoot. Great bonding! I refused to let Scotty touch the gun, but he was allowed to shoot the BB gun and he enjoyed that. For 10 mins, then we went inside and went downstairs.

Fast forward to about 8ish and the boy can't catch his breath. He's having trouble breathing so we leave and go to the little house. I give him his inhaler and he feels better right away. At which point I say to my husband - that's it, we are done. We are not staying for lunch tomorrow, we are leaving right after we wake up. The boy is allergic to dogs. They have 2. They washed and cleaned and vacuumed and put the dogs away. Great. But, then they let the dogs out to eat and go outside and somehow it was just too much. I don't know, I don't care. All I know is my baby and I are NEVER going back up there again. Woohoo!!!

So the next morning - after I was up every 4 hours checking his breathing, we got up and started packing. My MIL came over with her hubby and the 17 yo to say good bye and give junior an easter basket. Very nice of her. We took a few pics and said our goody byes. Hubby went over to say goodbye to his brother and the wife. After I got junior into bed the night before, hubby went back over to the big house. And it seems the SIL was talking up a storm with him! About allergies, and meds, etc etc. She's a freaking Physican's Assistant. Great. She can talk to him, but not me. Definitely doesn't like me which is fine, now I have no reason to be nice to her. Anyway, so hubby went over to say good bye to them, they couldn't be bothered to come say good bye to me. And then we left!!

The minute I got home I took the SIL off of my friend's list on facebook. I am thisclose to removing the brother too.

Random thoughts...

Why do drunk insane people always manage to sit in my car on the train? This happens at least once a month. It's so funny.

I have got to stop eating. I just ate 2 egg rolls! Two!! One is bad enough, but I had to eat the other one!! I'm back on WW and I. Must. Stop. Eating.

My neighbors are nutty. Seriously. In the fall, the hubby was raking leaves. So I turned into our drive and saw him, plus saw 2 of his green plastic lawn chairs in the street. I was wondering why he put his chairs in the road, on either ends of the big ass leaf pile, when I saw his 3 year old daughter in the middle of the leaf pile! In the street! He's a moron. He used to let her, as a 1 year old, walk by herself about 10 feet in front of him, down the street to the corner of the MAIN ROAD, where she could have toddled into the road and gotten mowed down by a speeding car.

Facebook is like high school revisited. The people who wouldn't talk to me in HS still don't talk to me. I 'friended' a few people and they accepted. Fine. I went to their wall and did the "hi, how are you? blah blah blah" post. Nothing too intrusive, just the basic hi, how have you been for the last 20 years. You think they would respond maybe? Even a dutiful one liner and I would have been happy.

Well, a few of them couldn't be bothered. Yet, and here's where my natural stalking tendencies come into play. I saw them respond to other people's walls over and over again. So, they got my posts and just ignored them!! Even when I commented on pictures of their kids!! So I 'unfriended' the fuckers.

More FB rants. Some people need to read up a bit more on their privacy settings. Some friend of my brother in law's photo album is now on my computer. And I can send the album pictures to anyone I choose. I don't even know this person! Yet, I now know what color her bed sheets are and what she likes to eat for dinner. WTF!

How many points is a glass of wine? I really could use one tonight.

Pics of the christmas presents

Yep. She got hubby coffee. Thanks, Mom!




Teen SIL got me tea. Maybe a theme? I don't know. Look at the size of that tea ball though! I could start a tea leaf reading service I suppose.



It's cute. I haven't managed to break it yet. Soon.



And the earrings. I might have worn ones like this when I was 16. Possibly, even 18. Now? Um, no fucking way.

omg, wait, i forgot this tidbit!

The bride's new nickname? Rexie!!!! Yep. Like a T. Rex dinosaur. It seems she's so weak in her arms that she can't open up things, like jars, wine coolers, etc. So brother in law started calling her Rexie. Ok, I could say that would be somewhat cutesy in the privacy of their own home.

But then, in my kitchen, she opened up the back door and said to him, Rexie can't open this, can you help? She referred to herself as Rexie. She's the next Suede obviously. I was like, what did you say? So she admitted to me about the weak arms, Rexie nickname. I was dying. Um, okay, wow.

Here's some examples...

So I was showing my husband's sister in law (the bride) the pictures from our recent tropical vacation. And here's how the conversation went:

Me: We had a great time.
Her: [complete silence, weak smile]

Repeat for 8 seconds. Then I got up, walked into the kitchen and cracked open another blue alcoholic drink.

WTF.

Normal people would have asked something along the lines of: Did you have fun? So did you sight see? Did you go snorkeling? How was the food? Did they have activites at night? How was the water? ETC!

And now, just today, hubby (god I love him, but I really want to smack the fucking shit out of him right now) suggested we ask his brother and the wife to go on vacation with us next year. Everyone say it with me:

WHAT THE FUCK?

So. Not. Going. To. Happen.

Ever.

And so this is Christmas!

Update:So I found out that MIL gave her favorite son (you know, the one I'm not married to) camping equipment, and a tupperware gravy shaker. And gave the wife maple tea. WTF, maple again! This could explain why she's so cold. She doesn't have blook in her veins, she has maple syrup in there! So. Camping equipment, tupperware gravy shaker and tea. Ok, those are all practical.


Hello faithful blog readers! Happy New Year! Last week for Christmas we went to hubby's Aunt's house in PA. It was really very nice, she had about 25 people over and we had fun. MIL was there with her husband, and the young sister in law and the exchange student from Korea. Thankfully there were lots of other people to talk to and they created a lovely buffer zone for me.

In the past, MIL used to make cookies, fudge or canned cookie/cocoa receipes and give out to everyone who was at the christmas event. Well, this time, we spoke before Christmas and I told her I was making mini bread loaves and mini muffins for each family, so she said she would do fudge or cookies. So MIL gave out to every family there: 4 teeny cubes of homemade fundge wrapped in plastic wrap with a fake sprig of evergreen hot glue gunned to it. I was honestly shocked, usually she makes a nice plate or tin of cookies, etc.

I had told hubby that we should bring a few wrapped presents for junior to open up b/c I knew he would feel left out when his cousins opened up all their presents and he just had one thing from MIL. Hubby poo-poohed it, and guess what? Yep, just like the first Christmas I spent with hubby's family, everyone else in the family gave and received lots of great gifts. Except us.

She got junior a DVD movie.

Yep. That's it. Oh, wait, the 16 year old sister in law also got him a movie.

When I have grandkids, I swear I am going to spoil them with presents. Not just one freaking DVD. He opened it up and was like, oh, where are my other presents mommy. He just sat there watching his cousins open up their presents. Fortunately, hubby's aunt and cousin brought some other things for him so he was happy. I was pissed though. I shouldn't be. I should know better.

I don't even try any more. I don't even expect anything anymore for myself. (I'm rambling - inlaws just left from today's visit and I've been drinking all day!!) Now remember last year? This is what I got last year:



Well, this was a much better year, no pictures yet, but will have some tomorrow. First, she gave hubby a pound of DD coffee. The came me. I got a cute-in-a-$2.45-I-bought-it-at-a-craft-show way 9" bud vase with a few handpainted purple flowers on it. Its cute. I almost broke it already. Now here's the kicker, she gave us a $25 Corning Warehouse gift card. Here's the catch: the Corning Warehouse is up by her and to use the gift card (price of admission) we would have to stay at her place for 2 nights most likely. WTF? Like I want to do that again?? I am seriously considering putting it on ebay! So, all in all, it wasn't that bad. I think after 11 years I've finally figured it out. One year we get shit in a wrapped box, and then other year we get a passable gift. The best year was when she gave me a $25 Michael's card. Why can't she just do that every year? It would be FANTASTIC!

Young sil gave hubby a baggie of 20 chocolate chip cookies. HA. She made me a pair of earrings. What's that you say? You can't remember the last time I wore earrings? I know. I usually wear them once a year at most. But, its better than last year's gift:



Ok. Seriously? I know. I tossed them in the garbage the minute after I took that picture, the things I do for you people! So this year, she gave me the earrings and today she brought me a box of loose decaf tea with a tea ball. Junior is in love with the tea ball. So, you know, I'm fine with that, again one year is shit, the other is fine.

Now, the brother in law and his new wife. Last year I got them a freaking turkey roasting pan with a wire rack and a 5pc metal basting set. God, I'm still bitter. Can you tell? Who remembers what they got me? Come on, how can you not? Show of hands! Here it is, in all its glory:



Please note the water bottle is only there to show size. They gave me a freaking 1/2" tall snowman candle. So, who wants to know what I got them this year? Wait. Go read the "Sucky Adventures in Vermont" posts first, then come back.

Done? Good. This year I made them a present. I should have taken a picture but, oops, I totally forgot to take pictures today. I think I took one. Anyway. I made them an inked canvas with a black & white wedding pic of them, with their names and some vellum quotes, etc. I think it came out awesome and only cost about $10. I know. I just am a sucker, and I like to make things. I don't think the wife liked it though, when she opened it up, she was like, oh, thanks and looked weird. Well, more weird than usual. Ok, so they gave us a snapfish album, wait let me go look up the price. $11.99!! It's cute. Mostly pictures of her family, and maybe 3 of us. Whatever. It's better than the freaking snowman candle.

So they came over today for Christmas. It was so freaking boring. Except for my hubby's friend, let's call him M. We had fun, he's a normal person. Hubby's family? Not so much. So I drank heavily. OMG, did you ever put coconut rum and eggnog in hot tea? It's so freaking delish. We had absolutely nothing to talk about. It was so awkward. Thank god its over. I don't have to see them again till Easter I think!

Oh, this is good. At one point, a friend of the family who came down with them (he grew up with hubby and the brother) asked if I was Jewish. My MIL says oh, what makes you ask? Did you see something that looks Jewish? She said it in an obnoxious tone. I guess she's offended that I put up a few hanukkah decorations next to the freaking christmas tree! So sorry!!!

Ugh. Ugh. Annoying. So glad its over. I swear my husband is the postman's child.
See, I just don't feel at all comfortable with them. We have nothing in common. Even my husband escaped and hung outside the whole time. Ooh, get this, I was going to seat them with my MIL in between brother and wife. And MIL says, oh, no you should put them next to each other. And I'm like, WTF, during my wedding you sat next to MY husband during the cocktail hour until I kicked your we-forgot-the-camera lying ass out of the room.